5 Things I Think While Driving

I tend to be a little…um…sassy…when I drive.  I know; big surprise, right? My sassiness level is directly related to the number of dum-dums inflicting their driving ineptitude on the non-dummy drivers.


Particularly while driving on the Interstate (where I live, we just say “the Interstate” – everyone knows which Interstate, because it’s the only one in our area), I find myself wondering how in the world all of these people ended up driving alongside me. Since I’ve had to drive up and down the Interstate a lot lately, I thought it might be fun to share some of the things I think (or say…or shout) while driving.

1. “Seriously, why are we stopping?”

We’ve all been there – cruising along, going the speed limit, loving life. Suddenly, inexplicably, traffic comes to a grinding halt (or near-halt). As far as the eye can see, there’s no reason for the stoppage – no accident, no police officers, no raccoon racing across the road.

Creeping along, eyes peeled for the cause of speedlimitus interruptus, the confusion and anger grow. Then, just as inexplicably, traffic picks back up and everyone is speeding along their merry old way. What?!

2. “Hey, person driving in front of me – the left lane is for people who go the speed limit.

I will never understand why someone who is uncomfortable with driving 75 mph would want to stay in the “go fast” lane, especially with lines of cars behind, riding bumpers and exhibiting signs of road rage.

Drivers who elect to drive 20 mph below the magic number should be courteous (and law-abiding), and move it on over to the right with the rest of the people who are afraid to drive fast.

3. “Speaking of the left lane – technically, it’s supposed to be used for passing slow drivers.”

Hard to do when the slow drivers are driving in the passing lane.

See #2.

4. “Dude! I’m going 5 over the speed limit – I know I’m purty, but quit kissin’ my bumper.”

The opposite of the ‘fraidy-cat drivers is the “Me drive fast” drivers. You know – the people (usually with a ridiculously over-sized or tricked out ride) who feel going 75 or 80 mph isn’t quite fast enough. They have cool cars! They want to drive them fast! By driving the speed limit(ish), you’re preventing them from following their dreams!

I hate those guys.

5. “Thanks for speeding up to pass me, only to slow back down.”

Seriously? Getting one car ahead is that big a deal? Don’t pedal-to-the-metal, whip in front of me, then hit the brakes. We’re all in the same boat – getting in front of me won’t change the fact that bad drivers are in front of us. Rude.

Bonus, for the people who live along the Front Range (this is unlikely to make any sense to those of you who live elsewhere):

Any CDOT decision-maker who doesn’t think NoCO needs a third lane on the Interstate should be forced to drive said two-lane stretch, repeatedly and during all times of the day/night/week, until they feel our pain and give us the third lane we so desperately need.

So, anyone else have anything they find themselves thinking/saying consistently while driving? I’d hate to think I’m the only road-rager out there…


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